


Could Stay A While

by Kovaltic



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hugging, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rae loves her brothers, Reminiscing, author does NOT think this ship is real, guys there's literally 700 words dedicated to a hug, in a shocking turn of events I wrote this while wide awake, instead of writing a paper, my fish can't read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29416659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kovaltic/pseuds/Kovaltic
Summary: “They’re waiting for you.” Corpse reminded him softly.“Let them wait.” Sykkuno replied instantly, once again wrapping his arms around Corpse’s middle and pulling him close. “You’re...This is more important.”You’re more important.——————————Corpse reminisces about what his relationship has gone through and how it developed into what it is while drinking with Rae.
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Rachel "Rae" Hofstetter, Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Rachel "Rae" Hofstetter & Sykkuno
Comments: 16
Kudos: 360





	Could Stay A While

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is literally 4x longer than my other two fics. How did that happen.
> 
> Title's from I Caught Fire by The Used which I listened to way too much today but it's like the most romantic song I know. 
> 
> Please keep in mind that this is a work of fiction and I don't believe this ship is an actual thing. They're just super cute. I mean if it is, good for them, but like leave them alone guys. Don't shove the ship at them, don't ruin this for us.

Barely 11PM and Sykkuno was out cold. Corpse smiled at the older man sprawled out on the giant bean bag in his living room.

“Doesn’t he usually eat dinner around now?” Rae teased quietly as Corpse tossed a blanket over him.

“Yeah.” He drawled affectionately, messing Sykkuno’s hair a bit and causing him to mumble something that may have been “Rae no...” in his sleep and shift around before settling down.

Immediately covering her mouth with her hand, Rae fell to the side with the effort of not laughing too loud. Corpse’s own barely voiced laughter followed as he snickered behind his mask.

“He’s gonna be hungry when he wakes up, should we let him sleep?”

“He’ll wake up if he’s hungry.” Corpse assures, moving as Rae rolls herself up and heads towards the kitchen. “He didn’t sleep so much last night, after all.”

“Not like we let him.” Corpse laughs to himself, listening to Rae in the kitchen, grabbing another drink for them while he props Sykkuno’s feet up on a low footstool so he’s hopefully more comfortable.

Sykkuno was always so cute when he was asleep, somehow looking so much smaller despite being almost the same height as Corpse himself. Maybe it’s the way some people just look younger when they sleep. Now that his feet were up, Sykkuno rolled onto his side slightly, curling like he usually does when he sleeps. That probably had something to do with it too.

“You’re such a shrimp.” Rae teased, returning with a beer for him and some kind of mixed drink in her other hand.

Corpse chuckled, accepting the drink. “I’m allowed to shrimp over my own boyfriend, aren’t I?”

She plopped down less than gracefully on the other side of the low coffee table, downing a surprising amount of her drink in one go. “That’s fair. He is pretty cute.”

He agreed, of course.

“I can’t believe how long it’s been already. You know, most of us assumed you two would be pining after each other for the rest of your lives.”

Corpse chuckled, downing nearly half the beer in one go. Rae herself was stretching her arms over the coffee table, looking at him with that teasing expression she directed at them so often.

“I didn’t even know I was pining.” Corpse said quietly, glancing back over at his sleeping partner. “Certainly didn’t know he was pining.”

She hummed thoughtfully, sipping her drink. “He only talked about you all the time. Even on stream! You should know, you watched like all of his streams.”

He did. It was nowhere near an exaggeration to say he’d seen most of Sykkuno’s streams if not every one since they’d become friends. Ever since that first time they’d played together, when he first heard how absolutely soothing the other man’s voice was, even when he was being beautifully cunning and chaotic. Corpse had been listening to Sykkuno streaming Valorant before they’d first met, even. When he’d driven all the way to Vegas on a last second decision, just to give Sykkuno the merch he’d promised.

~

_Sykkuno had barely mentioned Corpse’s merch near the start of his stream and suddenly he found himself in his car. He’d never really managed to work up the courage to deliver it as promised, despite having it earlier than the other shipments going out. Many times Corpse thought of just dropping it in the mail like Sykkuno had clearly expected him to do when he gave him his new address in Vegas, but that wasn’t what Corpse wanted. So he found himself in his car, driving blindly while listening to Sykkuno shoot and miss and kill, complimenting his friends and passive-aggressively fighting chat as Corpse drove all the way to Sykkuno’s home several hours away._

_He parks in front of the house, tinted windows and the cover of night comforting him enough to remain as he watched Sykkuno’s stream for the last few minutes._

_“That’s probably it for today guys. Sorry it was on the shorter side but…” Corpse smiles at his phone as Sykkuno starts his usual ending process, thanking subs and the viewers as a whole and promising he’s going to go get some dinner. Pulling up Discord, he waits until Sykkuno’s stream officially ends before sending him a message._

_Corpse_  
_Hey :)_  
_I know you just finished streaming but can you talk?_

_Sykkuno_  
_ohj essus you were watching?_

_Corpse_  
_I always watch your streams :)_  
_can you call me?_

_Sykkuno_  
_ya one min_

_This was it._

_Corpse looked over at the bag of his own merch in the passenger seat. He’d told Sykkuno once upon a time that he’d be willing to hand deliver it but now?_

_Now that he was actually here, sitting in front of Sykkuno’s home, in his car, without Sykkuno even knowing…_

_Now he was terrified._

_He wanted to do this, he had to remind himself. He wanted to meet Sykkuno, wanted to trust him with this. He wouldn’t even have to take off his mask, Sykkuno would never expect that of him._

_The call wasn’t as scary, though._

_“Hey Corpse!”_

_Sykkuno’s voice was always such a comfort._

~

“He was my comfort streamer, as they say.” He’d learned that term from bird app and had found it extremely fitting for Sykkuno especially. He had been Corpse’s comfort. His first comfort, before he’d started lurking in the discord calls of his friends just to feel like he wasn’t alone. To remind himself that others didn’t mind when he was around.

Rae smiled happily at him like she could read his thoughts when he looked at Sykkuno. Like she knew exactly what that man did to him. Did for him.

“I’d say you were his in a way. Maybe not streams, but I don’t think he ever left that hoodie of yours out of reach until you moved out here.”

He wondered if she knew how accurate she was saying “his” hoodie when referring to the merch Sykkuno had worn.

~

_Corpse wondered how long he could stay here, face pressed against Sykkuno’s neck while the other had his face buried against Corpse’s shoulder, bodies pulled close and arms clinging in a way that started hesitantly but now felt more desperate. Sykkuno had backed him against the back of the couch with barely a step some time after the first minute, giving Corpse something to lean on as Sykkuno really sunk his weight against him. This was supposed to be a quick hug goodbye. Until next time._

_It wasn’t supposed to be this hard._

_They’d been dancing around touching each other through the whole week that Corpse had ended up staying with Sykkuno, both out of respect and the sheer awkwardness that seemed to be the air around them. It was so funny how each of their own inabilities to deal with other human beings had clashed so terribly at first._

_When he’d driven all the way out, Corpse hadn’t planned ahead enough to know what was going to happen. He hadn’t even brought a change of clothes, not being able to think passed getting to Sykkuno. Before he’d even been able to consider his next move, Sykkuno had offered for Corpse to stay the night. Corpse was very sure it was just out of politeness that he’d even offered. He didn’t have a guest bed or anything, he barely had a couch, but Sykkuno had offered all the same. And Corpse should have wanted to leave. He should have been desperate to return home, and to an extent he did feel that pull, but who was he to refuse?_

_He had still been nervous that he’d been overstaying his welcome, even though it was a week too late by now. Sykkuno had just kept offering, and Corpse just kept agreeing. The whole thing felt awkward, but Corpse never once actually wanted to go._

_But now there was an appointment. A very important follow-up appointment set for tomorrow that Corpse really couldn’t miss and one that Sykkuno also didn’t want him to miss._

_So here they were. Hugging for the first time for what had to be going on 10 minutes at this point._

_A discord alert chimed in the other room. Sykkuno had a stream to get to._

_Slowly, reluctantly, Sykkuno pulled back. Corpse hated it, following Sykkuno without even thinking until they were standing up right again, arms no longer around each other but each gripping a part of the other as they delayed dropping their arms entirely. Corpse sighed heavily into his mask that he had yet to take off in front of the other man, moving enough to press their foreheads together as they slowly pulled apart more._

_“They’re waiting for you.” He reminded him softly._

_“Let them wait.” Sykkuno replied instantly, once again wrapping his arms around Corpse’s middle and pulling him close. “You’re...This is more important.”_

You’re more important.

_“I’ll text you when I get back.” Corpse offered._

_“Call me.” Sykkuno ordered instead. “Call me any time. When you’re bored, when you can’t sleep, when you get back home…”_

_They’d been playing chicken all week, talking plenty but not going near each other and not even holding eye contact much. Corpse had no idea where this was coming from but he couldn’t feel like something had changed. For both of them._

_“Even if you can’t talk much, I’ll talk for both of us.”_

_“I will.” He wanted to promise, but didn’t know how deeply this ran for Sykkuno. Didn’t know if Sykkuno knew what he was asking, and didn’t know if he was even willing to subject Sykkuno to himself in the less than great times. This last week had been the longest streak of good days Corpse had had in literal years and he just knew that it was going to tank once he got back to his apartment._

_Sykkuno pulled back again, separating them finally and turning away from Corpse, hiding his own face as he reached up to rub it. Corpse smiled, knowing his eyes were a little teary as well._

_He looked back at the couch to grab his hoodie before following Sykkuno towards the door. There were two sitting on the back of the couch. Corpse knew which one was his, but on impulse, Corpse grabbed the one Sykkuno had been wearing for the last few days instead, leaving his own where it was._

_About 10 minutes into his drive back to California, Corpse hit the notification that Sykkuno had started streaming, looking forward to listening for the whole trip back._

~

“Did you know that was actually my hoodie? Like when I visited him, I left mine and took his by mistake.”

The sudden grin across Rae’s face was hilarious, especially in her inebriated state. “Seriously?! No wonder it looked big on him!” She exclaimed as quietly as she could, apparently remembering their sleeping friend still. “And no wonder he always had it near.”

She gave him a suspicious look. “Was it really an accident though?”

Damn, she knew him too well. “Maybe not...entirely.”

She laughed. “Knew it.”

“Hey, seeing him wearing not only my merch but my hoodie was what made me realize I was pining. So it was worth it in the end.”

Her drink was mostly gone at this point. “That’s what did it for you, huh? Seeing him in your clothes? I feel like guys like that a lot.”

Yeah, it was seeing Sykkuno in his clothes. But knowing that he’d willingly, knowingly, worn Corpse’s too-big one instead of the second one Corpse had given him in the size he actually requested, had struck him deep.

“So what took you so long to move out here then? You guys were all over each other on and off stream after you brought him that stuff, you weren’t even subtle about wanting to meet up again.”

They really hadn’t been.

Not even intentionally and it wasn’t like it was excessive flirting like they tended to do with other people. Corpse had just wanted to be back with Sykkuno. Back near him, back where he could see him and hear him and smell him. Back where he could hug him again, if he wanted. At every opportunity for them to be in the same call, they took it. Every chance they had to play the same game, they took it, even though that meant Corpse played a lot more Valorant than he ever intended to and lurked in many calls of others when his arms became too painful to continue such a high-paced game.

Sykkuno had hinted to him moving closer often, always welcoming but never pressuring.

It was Corpse that was the issue. So many issues, if he was honest. The biggest still being that he didn’t want to expose Sykkuno to his bad days, or even his ok days. He didn’t want Sykkuno to really, truly, know what he was like. He didn’t want to drive him away.

Having the distance between them felt like a safety barrier that separated Sykkuno’s good energy from Corpse’s own corrosive one. He never, ever wanted to hurt Sykkuno.

“I didn’t want to hurt him.” He admitted, out loud to somebody for the first time. “I figured it was short-term, the novelty would wear off, he’d realize how fucked up I was and decide my negativity wasn’t something he would want in his life. I’m still kind of expecting that from all of you.”

But now at least, Sykkuno had seen him at his worst. Truly, genuinely seen him in a way that no other person he cared about ever had before. Hook ups, junkies, sure, but never someone he loved.

“So what changed?”

~

_It was dark. How long had it been dark for? He wasn’t sure. Time meant nothing, light meant nothing, nothing meant anything as he lay there. He wasn’t even sure where he was, but he knew he hurt in a distant way that meant he should be in pain but something was stopping it._  
_He was drunk or high or something that had him fucked in a good way that really wasn’t good. How long had he been fucked?_

_Maybe this was finally his time._

_“Corpse?” He heard in a voice that terrified him for a fraction of a second before he realized it wasn’t real. Couldn’t be real._

_“Oh Corpse.”_

~

Corpse had terrified him.

~

_He’d yelled._

_He’d yelled and screamed and fought against the other in any way he could, lashing out with hateful words directed primarily at himself but knowing those weren’t the only words said. Manic in his anger and angry in his depression to where he’d tipped into insanity and rage like he hadn’t in a very, very long time. Laughing and crying all at once as he ached to hurt and maim._

_His arms hurt, his soul hurt._

_His face hurt._

~

Corpse summarized what he remembered vaguely. Told her how Sykkuno had found him out of his mind laying in his own bathtub and recounted what little, horrible things he could still remember. He’d never actually told her what he was going through during that time that Sykkuno had driven all the way back to southern California and walked right into his house just because he hadn’t responded to anyone’s messages for a while. It wasn’t like she had no idea, she’d been there too at some point.

Now though, as he explained what he’d really put Sykkuno through, she seemed horrified. “That’s why he was back in California?”

He couldn’t look at her. She was there. She had been there, in his kitchen, making bland vegetables and easy food that was clearly meant to avoid hurting him. He didn’t know how often she’d been there, wasn’t even sure how long he’d been out at the time, but she’d been helping Sykkuno while he had dealt with Corpse.

“I just thought...I’d thought you were just, like, in pain.”

“I was.”

~

_“Sykkuno, are you sure you’re ok?”_

_Rae._

_“Yeah.” Sykkuno replied too easily._

_The idea of Sykkuno still being there filled him with something he couldn’t place. Hope, maybe. Fear, definitely._

_Corpse listened to them talk quietly to each other in the other room. In the kitchen, he realized as he smelled something cooking._

_What had he done?_

_Turning his head to the side, he felt something catch on the pillow under his head. Something that was stuck to his face. He reached to grab at it only to realize his arm had a couple gauze pads taped to it. Realizing that’s probably what was on his face too, he put his arm down and stared at the ceiling instead._

_“You can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself.” He heard Rae scolding gently. Was Sykkuno ok?_

_He should leave._

_He...He couldn’t leave. There was no way out without alarming the others and this was his place anyway._

_Sykkuno should leave._

_No. Somehow that terrified him even more than Sykkuno staying._

_What had he done?_

_He wasn’t sure how long he laid there before he heard the door shut and a sigh follow it a moment later. One of them had left._

_Mustering what energy he could, Corpse pushed himself up slowly, painfully. Had he taken his meds lately? Had he done...anything lately?_

_He groaned as he got his feet on the floor, his entire body protesting at any sort of movement._

_“Corpse?”_

_He was there. Sykkuno was standing in his house, in his doorway. The man he craved. The man he’d no doubt broken._

_What was there to say? How did he respond to what had been going on these last however long he’d been out of himself?_

_He didn’t even remember everything, but he remembered enough._

_Looking at Sykkuno’s terrified expression said enough._

_“Sy…” He didn’t mean to whine, but it couldn’t be helped. Especially not when unexplainable relief took over Sykkuno’s expression._

_“I’m so sorry.” There were tears, for both of them, at the words. He wanted to tell him he could leave. Wanted to tell Sykkuno he never had to see him again, that he’d disappear from his life entirely._

_He never got the chance._

_Sykkuno reached out to him, the soft grey-blue shirt whose sleeves were pulled over his palms running against Corpse’s face gently, wiping the tears away. “I know.”_

_He didn’t say it was ok, but he didn’t leave. Didn’t back down and instead leaned forward to pull Corpse against him and just let him cry until his eyes dried out and his tired body relaxed, if only a little._

_He didn’t even realize until days later that he hadn’t put his mask on and still didn’t feel the need to. Not around Sykkuno._

_Not anymore._

~

“He helped me get back on my feet, and we just realized we couldn’t be that far apart anymore.”

Rae was looking at him with sad eyes but with a smile on her face. He was glad he hadn’t told her this before, hadn’t told her until years after when things had settled in their own way. But that also meant he hadn’t really thanked her for that time.

Corpse had thanked her, of course. He’d thanked all of his friends for so many things. The most surprising of which was helping him move to Vegas a few weeks after that incident. With no family to help him the way Sykkuno had when he’d moved, Sykkuno had talked to Rae who immediately told all their friends in the area that were available that they were helping someone move. Even Ryan and the others from Vegas had driven over to help.

In the end, it was just an excuse for so many of them to hang out, considering it took almost no time to get everything, already boxed up, down to the truck they’d rented. Most of them didn’t even see Corpse, who didn’t mind them around but wasn’t so sure about standing in front of them, but they were all so happy to help.

Rae had been admittedly surprised when he wasn’t just moving in with Sykkuno.

“I know it’s been a while but...thank you for being there for him, Rachel.”

The look in her eye said she knew what it meant to him, knew he felt like it was a debt he’d never be able to repay. She knew this, and accepted it like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“He’s my infernal twin, Corpse. I’ll always be there for him.” She laughed quietly, reaching up to mess his hair and hold his attention like one does to a child. “And you’re my little brother. I’d do anything for you. You know that, right?”

Of course he knew. She’d always been there for him like he had for her. Like they both had for her. Even when she wasn’t too happy to have her strangely terrifying “brothers” intimidate her partners.

“I know.”

Rae smiled, dropping her hand to hold his arm on the table instead. He was glad she didn’t let go just yet.

“Just make sure I’m best maid at the wedding, ok?”

The teasing was back.

He scoffed. “Wedding. I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

They never would. For so many reasons, neither of them wouldn’t be able to stand a traditional wedding. Corpse obviously didn’t want that many eyes on him, and he wasn’t convinced that being in a church wouldn’t cause him to combust, but Sykkuno also was unsettled by the notion. They hadn’t talked about it with any intention, but the topic had come up at points in the last four years.

“Oh of course, you haven’t even moved in together. I mean, some people like to wait until after the wedding but...” she shrugged. “You guys are hardly traditional anyway.”

“Neither are you.” He quipped back with a chuckle. “I’m too much of a commitaphobe anyway. Not sure if I’ll ever really be able to shake that.”

They’d had their ups and downs. Stability was not something he’d ever planned on getting in his life and he wasn’t sure he’d ever adapt to it.

Rae seemed to understand this to a point, nodding along like she understood. “Corpse, can you answer me something? Honestly?”

Thinking he had an idea where this was going, he nodded decisively, encouraging her to go on.

“Do you see this lasting? Will I ever have to be worried about the two of you…” she shrugged like she was looking for the word, “fizzling out?”

It was a valid concern.

“Rae,” He started, looking over at his sleeping boyfriend. “So long as he wants me to be his, I will be. Even if he decides I’m too much,” like he’s always half-expecting, “he’s it for me.”

She smiled, biting her lip apparently in joy as she smiled so wide she laughed a bit. “Ok.” She stood shakily, drawing Mika’s attention, who up until now had been sleeping nearby in his bed. “That’s good enough for me.”

Stepping around the table, she pulled him into a tight, loving hug that was too much for a simple ‘goodnight’.

“You told me once you didn’t even think you’d live to see 20, much less 27, but I’m really happy you’re a part of our lives, Corpse.” She pulled back and kissed his temple gently in that mothering way that always struck some deep part of him. “Happy birthday.” She teased, despite it being January, before calling Mika to her and heading to the guest room without giving him time to respond.

God, he loved that woman.

With a heavy sigh, he stood as well. Leaning on the bean bag Sykkuno was still on, he ran his fingers across his boyfriend’s cheek, waking him gently enough that he’d be able to fall back asleep.

“Sy…”

Sykkuno grumbled something before opening his eyes enough to look at Corpse.

“Let’s go to bed.”

“Always trying to get me into bed with you, Corpse.” Corpse ducked his head against his arm at his sudden laughter. All these years and he still never expected sleepykkuno to be quite so direct. “I wanna sleep here.”

Containing his laughter, Corpse nodded, because how could he disagree after that?

How could he ever disagree with anything Sykkuno wanted?

He sank into the giant bean bag, Sykkuno rolling onto his back a bit more so Corpse could lay mostly on top of him like he liked to. Corpse pulled the blanket he’d put over Sykkuno over both of them as he shifted a bit, not entirely sure what to do with his arms but settling down against Sykkuno easily enough. The bean bag was definitely warmer, he had to admit, but not as good as a bed for cuddling. That was ok, though. Sykkuno really loved the thing so Corpse could deal with it from time to time. So long as he wasn’t the one being laid on, it wouldn’t even hurt too bad in the morning.

“Corpse?” Sykkuno mumbled after they’d been settled for a few minutes, sounding like he was drifting off again.

“Hm?”

“I love you. I’ll always want you to be mine, so long as I’m yours too.” He curled a bit smaller against Sykkuno as he spoke, face against his chest as Sykkuno set his arm around his middle. “You’re it for me too.”

Corpse wasn’t sure how to respond to such a genuine statement. He wasn’t sure how to move forward, wasn’t sure if he was supposed to do something more or suggest changing their arrangement.

But he knew he loved Sykkuno. He was happy the way they were now.

He reached up blindly towards his boyfriend’s face, not sure what he’s doing but trying to convey something. Corpse could feel Sykkuno’s smile as he kissed Corpse’s hand, letting it rest against his chin.

“Sleep well.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are much appreciated and comments give me life <3


End file.
